The Fear of Not Enough (and Too Much)
💣 F-Bomb #4: The Fear of Not Enough (and Too Much)
Am I too much… or not enough?
(This post? This topic? Maybe both. That’s exactly the fear we need to talk about.)
I’ve been sitting on this discussion for a long time.
Not because I didn’t believe in it,
but because I was afraid it might be too much.
Too raw. Too real. Too emotional.
I was afraid it would make some of you uncomfortable.
But I’m done pretending fear isn’t running quietly in the background of everything right now.
Because if I’m feeling it, I know others are too. I hear people talking about the ‘stress’… the uncertainty…
Especially the high achievers. The leaders. The ones who seem like they’ve got it all together.
We’re All Carrying It
Lately, there’s a new baseline in how we’re living.
A low hum of fear in the background that never quite shuts off.
Floods are swallowing communities in Texas.
Layoffs are hitting friends in “safe” industries.
Our kids are far away and we’re whispering quiet prayers of protection.
And we’re all still expected to lead, perform, parent, produce, smile.
This isn’t just a hard season.
It’s a full-body moment of chronic uncertainty.
And most of us are pretending we’re fine, while our nervous systems are screaming otherwise.
The Fear No One Talks About
You’ve seen the social media posts:
The perfectly lit selfie with the “woke up like this” caption.
The colleague who seems to do it all - marathoner by morning, CEO by day, gentle parenting guru by night.
The picture-perfect kitchen with nothing on the counter and not a sticky note in sight. (I love my sticky notes)
And somewhere in your scroll, a thought creeps in:
“I’m not enough.”
“I’m probably too much.”
This is the tug-of-war we rarely name:
The fear of not enough… and too much.
It’s the fear of:
Being seen and not liked
Speaking up and being “too much”
Holding back and becoming invisible
Getting it wrong, or worse, getting it right and being resented for it
And if you’re a woman in leadership (or just a human with ambition and a beating heart) you’ve likely felt it.
We’re taught to walk a tightrope:
Be confident, but not arrogant.
Strong, but not aggressive.
Accomplished, but stay humble.
Polished, but don’t look like you’re trying too hard.
(The Barbie movie nailed this with that monologue, didn’t it?)
It’s exhausting.
And fear loves exhaustion. That’s when it takes the wheel.
I’ve seen it in my own life over the last year - and I know better!
Comparison is Fear’s Playground
We don’t just scroll. We assess.
Her body.
Their relationship.
That vacation.
This promotion.
Your face. Your feed. Your life.
And while we know it’s curated, our nervous system doesn’t.
🧠 It sees the gap and interprets it as danger:
“You’re falling behind.”
“You don’t belong.”
“Shrink. Perform. Stay safe.”
And at Work? It Shows Up Like This:
You turn off your camera.
You carefully curate your Zoom background.
You soften your language.
You over-apologize.
You don’t speak up, because what if you’re too much?
(If I could go back and talk to Nina in her 40s, VP at a rising SaaS company, I’d say: SPEAK UP. You’re not just there to be in the room. You’re there to change the room.)
This isn’t a confidence issue.
It’s a fear response.
The Rewire Move: Come Back to Center
If you recognize yourself in any of this, here’s your next step:
✔ Name the fear. Is it fear of rejection? Of being overlooked? Of standing out?
✔ Call out the lie. You are not too much. You are not behind. You are not for everyone—and that’s okay.
✔ Find your anchor. The people who remind you of your worth when the world makes you question it.
Then:
Say the thing.
Wear the bold color.
Share the idea.
Correct the mispronunciation of your name.
Take up a little more space.
Because fear wants you small.
But you? You’re built for more.
Final Word
The fear of “not enough” and “too much” keeps us muted. Edited. Controlled.
It keeps us stuck in the in-between.
But here’s the truth:
You don’t have to tone down to stay safe.
You just have to show up as the serious force that you are.
Fear doesn’t get to decide how visible you get to be.
I’m saying this now, even though I was afraid it would be too much.
Because this moment demands honesty.
Our health, our happiness, and our futures depend on it.
So now it’s your turn.
Where is fear whispering to you?
What story are you believing about your “too muchness”?
What space are you ready to take back?
💣 Up next in the F-Bomb Blog Series:
“You’re Not Procrastinating. You’re Paralyzed by Fear.”
Sometimes the problem isn’t your to-do list.
It’s your nervous system.